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The Human Cost of the Licence Fee - the untold story

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Click HERE to see the Act of Law under which TV Licensing will prosecute you.












Dipsy has been very sad. He forgot to buy his TV Licence. The TV Licensing people issued a court summons, but Dipsy did not understand what it was about. The big bad Magistrate, who had no compulsion to means test Dipsy, sentenced him in his absence and imposed a 1000 fine on him. Oh how sad this made Dipsy, for he was on Income Support and could not afford to pay the fine.

The naughty TV Licensing people issued another court summons, but poor Dipsy got in a muddle and got the dates mixed-up and did not go to the court on the right day. The big bad Magistrate, who earned 60,000 a year, once again sentenced Dipsy in his absence and issued a warrent for his arrest, no bail.

Poor poor Dipsy grew frightened and confused. He could not understand why, under threat of imprisonment, the British public were forced to give billions of pounds to the BBC. The other broadcasters did not threaten and bully people in this way? At the Magistrates Court, Dipsy saw thousands of other poor people being prosecuted for not having a TV Licence. Why did the BBC do this to the most disadvantaged in society?

Dipsy was terrified. He did not want to go to prison. He packed his belongings into his special knapsack and ran away from home to escape from the TV Licensing people. It was cold and rainy. Dipsy could not afford the bus fare and so he had to walk along the road. He was hungry and had no food. A strong wind blew from the north. Dipsy stumbled and fell into a pot hole. His special knapsack split open and his clothes fell into a big puddle. Tears came into Dipsy's eyes: 'Oh please Mr wind stop blowing. Oh please Mrs rain stop raining. Oh please TV Licensing stop persecuting me', Dipsy began sobbing.

At that moment a funny little red car came down the road. Lurch the chauffeur was driving the car: 'ho hum, ho hum, let's have some fun', sang Lurch. He stopped the car beside Dipsy: 'ho hum, ho hum, why are you so glum?' Dipsy told Lurch about his intense personal problems. Lurch patted Dipsy on the back: 'ho hum, ho hum, you're gonna be all right, er, son'.

Lurch explained about the politico-economic equilibrium of modern capitalist economies and how it relates to universal suffrage. 'You mean, you mean I can become a member of Parliament and get rid of the nasty TV Licence?' asked Dipsy. 'Ho hum, ho hum, you'll have them on the run', said Lurch, adjusting the bolt through his neck.

And so, with Lurch's help, Dipsy began a political campaign. His main election pledge was to abolish the TV Licence and make the BBC convert to Islam. Dipsy promised equal rights for peculiar-looking green furry things. He promised that when he got elected he would make special knapsacks free on the National Health. Dipsy also pledged that poor people would get brown paint as part of their benefits and dogs would be allowed to wear make-up. He did not forget the pensioners either: they would get an annual allowance of paperclips as part of Dipsy's "New Deal for Britain". As Dipsy himself puts it: 'From time to time, in our great island story, it falls to one green furry thing to lead his people out of the valley of the shadows and into the broad sunlit uplands of peace and prosperity.'

If you have a sound card on your computer and Windows Media Player you can hear Baxter "windy" Brown, Dipsy's campaign manager, by clicking HERE. (note: this is a 340kb wav file and may take a minute or so to download)

Dipsy and Lurch are currently touring around the country on the campaign trail. Keep a look out for them in your neighbourhood and give them your support. Remember, a vote for Dipsy is a vote for Britain!

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